Player Profiles... 

 

Eager to take his shirt off anywhere it seems but the showers Johnny is the resident club 'keeper.  Johnny is also starting to look after himself in the banter stakes these days learning that it's best to give it before anyone gives it to you.  Here he is pictured mind whistling at one of the opposition youngsters!

Name; Johnathon "The Rat" "Stephen Hawkins" Baber
D.O.B.; 24/08/1992
Position; Number 10/11
Previous Clubs; Hills Plymouth U11’s,U13’s and U15’s
High Score; 55
Best Figures; 5-23(Sunday)!!!
Favourite Film; Titanic
Favourite Book; Harry Potter 
Favourite Quote; "Which Way Is Up The Hill"- Matthew Davies
Best Cricket Memory; 126 Parntnership With Matthew Lewis 
Cricket Hero; Adam Gilchrist
Hills Plymouth Hero; David Kelly

 


Andrew 'Pervy' Lewis is Hills Plymouth's Premier all rounder.  A balanced diet for Andrew consists of equal amounts of kebab, indian and chinese.  Andrew also possesses the best cover drive at the club, with Wisden Cricket Monthly once describing it as 'a lovely juxtaposition of finesse and whamin'.

Name; Andrew Lewis
D.O.B.; 27.12.1986
Position; Bowler
Previous Clubs; None
High Score; 56
Best Figures; 10/27
Favourite Film; The Green Mile
Favourite Book; Lance Armstrongs Autobiography
Favourite Quote; Come on the Cricket Club
Best Cricket Memory; 10 Wickets vs Dyffryn CC
Cricket Hero; Steve Waugh
Hills Plymouth Hero; Chris ’Beetlejuice’ Birch 

 


Usually fluctuating between good and can't get it off the square, Chris is nevertheless happy that the clubhouse is right by the pitch.  Alhough the 2am walk is something of an eye opener.

Name: Chris Shopland

D.O.B.: 24/12/1981

Previous Clubs: Hirwaun, Aberdare

Position: Top order

High Score: 118 (v South Llanelli)

Best Figures: 2/28 (v Pontyberem)

Favourite Film: The Usual Suspects

Favourite Book: Escape from the Island of Aquarius

Favourite Quote:

Cop - What are you saying?

Fenster - I said he'll flip you

Cop - He'll what?

Fenster - Flip you.  Flip ya for real.

Best Cricket Memory: Winning 80odd v Aberdare as a little nipper

Cricket Hero: Steve Waugh

Hills Plymouth Hero: Steve 'C3PO' Manning

 


Our man Baber officially has more time off than Pervy's fitness coach, but that's okay cos he's a teacher and he knows what he's on about it.  Or does he?  In constant battle with his younger sibling (of which 'the rat' is competing well of late) Stephen will have you believe that he is the thinker amongst the team although other members know different.

Name; Stephen Baber
D.O.B.; 29.02.1984
Position; Middle Order / Expert fielder
Previous Clubs; Hills Plymouth ’til I die!
High Score; 100*
Best Figures; 5-6 (on a Sunday of course!)
Favourite Film; Rain Man
Favourite Book; I hate reading!
Favourite Quote; "I hate cheeky kids!!!!!!"
Best Cricket Memory; After being vice-captain to Clive Owen all season, having to captain the 1sts for the last game of the season needing a win to secure safety from relegation to Division 5 (which would have been a disaster). Needless to say we smashed Landore.
Cricket Hero; Eddie Thomas
Hills Plymouth Hero; Eddie Thomas

 


Dai Kelly - where do we start!!  David is an aggressive top order bat and skilful spinner who's played for Panteg don't you know.  There isn't one player he rates in any of the leagues in South Wales.  Or North Wales, or New South Wales, or anywhere actually.  He's also a big lumper who enjoys his rugga playing for the local fight club called Dowlais where the pre-match routine is ten cans of Red Bull followed by 100 blue Smarties each.  Hyper see.

Name; Dai Kelly
D.O.B.; 18/09/1986
Position; Battist
Previous Clubs; Panteg
High Score; 146*
Best Figures; Not a clue
Favourite Film; Bad Santa
Favourite Book; Techniques in Experimental Design - A. Zhiglavsky
Favourite Quote; I have the power!! - He-Man
Best Cricket Memory; Port Talbot Town tea
Cricket Hero; Botham
Hills Plymouth Hero; Jon Don (he let us drink!)

 


Here is the Captain's Dream - Chris Birch - with an expression here that can only be described as... 'questionable'.  Bowls expertly and bats sensibly.  But this is nothing compared to his groundsman skills where he is seen often pondering the issues of the day with the wedding guests such as liming the square, how many people will sue the club for blood loss caused by the covers and whether or not to get rid of the stingy nettles and brambles that stop his bad balls going for four!

Name; Chris "Beetlejuice" Birch
D.O.B.; April 1972
Position; Opening Bowler, Occassional Batsman when the top order fails. OK, lower order batsman who has to go in to clean the mess up again.
Previous Clubs; Buckminster, Wing.
High Score; 102 for Wing, 84 for Hills.
Best Figures; 9 for 40 Vs Margam, 9 for 41 Vs Duffryn
Favourite Film; Any Bond film
Favourite Book; Catch 22 Joseph Heller, Any John Irvine, Any JK Rowling.
Favourite Quote; Get off the square!! Shouted loudly at anyone.
Best Cricket Memory; Beating Margam to win Division 4.
Cricket Hero; Ian Botham.
Hills Plymouth Hero; Peter "Fluff" Warren.

 


James is one of those that takes everything in his stride.  Elegant when in form many say he's the David Gower of the side...although he's right handed and hasn't got grey fluffy hair.  He also has a tendency to pick up injuries that haven't been invented yet and it was rumoured that he's suing David Beckham over the use of the metatarsal injury which James is adament he had first back in 2002 against Seven Sisters away. 


Name; James "Rocco/Kleb/Knobhead" Kelly
D.O.B.; 14/08/1989
Position; All Rounder - Mainly Batsman
Previous Clubs; Few Games For Panteg
High Score; 79*
Best Figures; 6/24
Favourite Film; Gladiator
Favourite Book; Kama Sutra
Favourite Quote; Fancy an orgy?
Best Cricket Memory; Watching Andrew "Pervy" Lewis diving to stop a ball and cracking his rib! That guys hilarious!
Cricket Hero; Sachin Tendulkar
Hills Plymouth Hero; John Warren... that bat is older than me!


 

'You can't beat a bit of Jerry'.  Jerry 'The Bull' Crooker is our Devon player.  Everything in Devon is better.  The milk is better from the cows udders (pull the udder one), the weather is better, the tracks are better, the standard is better and the women are bigger better.  Jeremy is almost certain to start every sentence with 'when I played with (insert any professional here)' and once scored more runs in one season than Graeme Hick has to date.


Name; Jeremy Crooker
D.O.B.; 13/12/67
Position; Any...can’t be choosy these days
Previous Clubs; Wilson, but now using Maxfli
High Score; 2 bags dried leaf Oz 1990
Best Figures; 34/24/34 but it didn’t last long
Favourite Film; Kodak
Favourite Book; Genesis
Favourite Quote; the cheapest
Best Cricket Memory; realising when I was a child that it wasn’t a grasshopper
Cricket Hero; Jiminy (who else)
Hills Plymouth Hero; Golden Lab on boundary.. 


 

Dan is another of Hills' chilled out characters frequently rebelling against 'the man', 'the rules' and any other authority.  If I was to say Dan's an expert spinner, that would be selling him short.  He also bats too, becoming famous for sweeping anything that pitches full, short, wide, or basically anywhere.  He's also wordly famous for appearing in a Bear Grylls Born Survivor documentary killing a stag using just his pecs.

Name; Daniel Davies
D.O.B.; 04.10.86
Position; easy...
Previous Clubs; Hoover, Port Talbot Town - No success @ either...
High Score; 106*
Best Figures; 6-2 against Bishop Headly
Favourite Film; The Departed
Favourite Book; Any John Steinbeck
Favourite Quote; Losers always whine about giving their best... winners go home and fuck the prom queen
Best Cricket Memory; Australia 2003/04 tour
Cricket Hero; Justin langer
Hills Plymouth Heroes; Eddie, Clive, Robert Wathen, Rocket; basically any old @!%$ who’ll tell a story - Jeremy/Joe Crooker/Crocker/Cooker, wateva his fkn name is, is aspiring in this category. Keep up the good work Bully...

 


Every club's got a smart arse....and here he is pictured just above this text.  Richard's managed to argue with pretty much everyone so far, a feat which Dai Kelly is tamping over.  Potentially very talented, who can bowl very well and can be quite destructive batting.  He's the Cristiano Ronaldo of the side, and whilst he doesn't dive on the floor and possess a tango tan he does share other Ronaldo traits.  He also had a bigger bruise than the Painting and Jetwash man - FACT! (which was later confirmed by Dave Gibby GP)

Name; Richard Gibby
D.O.B.; 18/01/1990
Position; Fielder (jack of all trades master of none)
Previous Clubs; trained for blackwood once...?
High Score; 77*
Best Figures; none of that much note... still striving for that perfect ten.. a feat only managed by Pervy when he was trim!
Favourite Film; Batman
Favourite Book; Clarksons autobiography
Favourite Quote; you cant say things and expect them to be true.......
Best Cricket Memory; anytime i dislodge a stump!
Cricket Hero; Jaques Kallis
Hills Plymouth Hero; Mooney, cos he’s an Irish international, and really going somewhere 

 


Matty isn't the brightest spark at the club which shows up in his career run outs tally.  He's also going to get some flak for the 'cricket club' quote.  An inquest is underway!  A good bat when he gets going he just needs to knuckle down and stop having lapses of concentration to kick on a level.  He's also the goalie for some Merthyr side or something.

Name; Matthew Rhys Lewis
D.O.B.; 27.2.92
Position; Higher Order Batsman
Previous Clubs; -
High Score; 77*
Best Figures; 4-12
Favourite Film; Big Daddy
Favourite Book; Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink Autobiography
Favourite Quote; C’mon the cricket club! (which is mine) 
Best Cricket Memory; Playing at ’The Oval’
Cricket Hero; Brian Charles Lara
Hills Plymouth Hero; Nicholas Thomson  


 

Aled 'Michael Buble' Walters is a Hills Plymouth all rounder through and through.  Fancies himself as a big hitter lower order batsmen and now is the premier spin bowler in the Second XI, after swinging it like Austin Powers previously with his medium pace.  Likes a good old drink too, Aled also plays a bit of rugga in the winters.


Name;
Aled "Bubble" Walters
D.O.B.; 2/11/1985
Position; Number 6-11
Previous Clubs; Hills Plymouth U11’s,U13’s and U15’s, Neath college seniors
High Score; Hills 32*, Neath college 73
Best Figures; 4-16(Sunday)
Favourite Film; Anchorman
Favourite Book; Daily Sport
Favourite Quote; "FRESH FISH"
Best Cricket Memory; Taking a hattrick against Cardiff Sri Lankans
Cricket Hero; Matthew Hayden
Hills Plymouth Hero; Nicky Tomo

 


One of the clubs sharpest dressers, Nicky Tom's cutting edge ensures he's a hit with lads and ladies alike.  His knowledge of (cough) alternate medicines is second to none and he's been a target by Cuban Assassins for the profit warnings they faced lately.  You'll find Nicky regulalry in Caesar's Palace aka Coolers/Kirkhouse/Shitehouse or whatever it's called and is always up for a laugh.

Name; Nick Thomson
D.O.B.; 18/12/1982
Position; Batsman
Previous Clubs; Hoovers, Pontypridd
High Score; 84
Best Figures; 5-30
Favourite Film; Back to the Future
Favourite Book; Peter Kay Autobiography
Favourite Quote; Fresh Fish, Bowl him the piano ball lets see if he can play that. Bewsh!
Best Cricket Memory; My undefeated record as captain. Worst memory punching Dai Kelly in the face after a heavy Strongbow session with Custard.
Cricket Hero; Brian Lara
Hills Plymouth Hero; It’s a tough call. I have so many heroes down the Crick. Clive is definitely up there for hilarious stories and behaviour. Also a fan of Mano and Danny D those boys crease me up.

 


Matthew is as quiet as they come mumbling only from time to time to show signs of life.  He is one of Hills' Welsh stars and is aiming to cement his place at this high level.  Bowls some genuinely good stuff, as long as he keeps working and not becoming cheeky (like most of Hills' cheeky little kids) he'll be okay for a few years to come.

Name; Matthew ’Sinsir’ Davies
D.O.B.; 1/9/94
Position; Bowler
Previous Clubs; 11’s, 13’s Hills Plymouth
High Score; 47*
Best Figures; 5-11
Favourite Film; Harold And Kumar!
Favourite Book; Freddie Flintoff AutoBiography
Favourite Quote; ’ Which Way Is Up The Hill? ’ Myself.
Best Cricket Memory; My International Debut 
Cricket Hero; Freddie Flintoff Or Shaun Pollock!
Hills Plymouth Hero; My Under 15’ Gaffer, Johno Baber!

 


Phil Lewis, or Maximus Decimus Lewisus, is the resident second team captain.  After refusing to give up his power and then re-instated as captain, Phil takes care of the 'nursery team'....or the second team as others like to call them.  His bowling accuracy was once described by Wisden as 'good', Phil will be hoping to lead his troops to the coveted Division Three Trophy this year with speeches like 'What we do in life, echoes in eternity'.  

Name; Phil Lewis
D.O.B.; 24/05/71
Position; all-rounder?
Previous Clubs; none
High Score; 99
Best Figures; 6-23
Favourite Film; gladiator
Favourite Book; stanley mathews autobiography
Favourite Quote; i am the league [les during on field arguement]
Best Cricket Memory; hitting a six and watching half my bat follow in the same direction
Cricket Hero; adam gilchrist
Hills Plymouth Hero; les abraham a LEGEND sadly missed

 


Dai's philosophy is if it's up there, whack it.  Regularly hits the Plymouth houses to the enjoyment of many watchers.  David is an avid snwcer player as well and loves his midweek sparring match with every team that plays us (2008 season being the highlight of on-field banter). 

Name; David Andrew Fowler
D.O.B.; 16 July 1976
Position; Batsman/part time medium pace swing bowler
Previous Clubs; Los Angeles Ex-pats, Mid Glam Colleges
High Score; 114 not out
Best Figures; 4 for 10
Favourite Film; City of Angels
Favourite Book; Living with the Lions
Favourite Quote; If you can't beat em, join em
Best Cricket Memory; The time I tried to stop Les falling off a stool in the lounge and accidently pulled down his trousers, he had no pants on, there was saggy balls everywhere!!!!!!
Cricket Hero; Chris Gayle ( bats like me)
Hills Plymouth Hero; Les John Abrahams (R.I.P)

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